Papa Hari News Service

The much anticipated international readership survey conducted by the Papa Hari Institute for Independent Research (PHIIR) has concluded and has revealed that the Papa Hari News Service enjoys the maximum coverage of readership amidst every demographic segment, beating all other news agencies on the planet including BBC, Reuters, UPI, INS, PTI and other heavy-weights in the business.

Releasing the results of a survey, a spokesman for the Papa Hari Institute for Independent Research announced the award in front of scores of journalists from around the world. Papa Hari, who attended the function was visibly emotional at the magnificent achievement and accepted the award on behalf of the Papa Hari News Service. In his acceptance speech, Papa Hari spoke about the need for a Free and independent Press in the world today and the power of the Internet in transmitting information to every corner of the globe. Making a powerful plea to other news agencies to emulate the Papa Hari News Service, he added that he was proud to receive such an honour from an independent organization like the Papa Hari Institute for Independent Research which he had helped build. He expressed his hope that other media houses will compete to capture the award next year. "The Papa Hari News Service has achieved in one year what other news agencies took decades to accomplish. It is unbelievable. All credit to its editors and reporters who've worked so hard for this! This really belongs to them..." he said, holding aloft the shield. The award function was followed by a private party organized by the Papa Hari News Service to celebrate the occasion.

A Papa Hari Institute research scientist who fielded questions from reporters from other agencies assured everybody that there was no question of "bias" because the Papa Hari Research Institute was completely indepedent and unrelated to international agencies like the BBC, Reuters, UPI, INS etc. and that the results of the research proved the value of objectivity in surveys and data analysis. "We have shown the world what news service is preferred by readers. We refused to be influenced or intimidated by the big, established names in this business such as Reuters or UPI. This readership survey has proved beyond any doubt that the Papa Hari News Service provides the best possible news from every corner of the globe and that the news they provide is unique in content, original and completely free of bias in any form." When a journalist representing another news agency intervened to protest that the Papa Hari Institute could hardly be an independent agency in this case, the spokesman patiently stated the obvious once again and pointed out the word Independent affixed to the Institute's name. In a most unsporting gesture smacking of professional jealousy, several journalists representing other news agencies walked out of the press conference following this reasonable assertion of fact.

In a related development following the event, the journalist who had intervened on behalf of the other news agencies during the press conference was picked up by the police following an anonymous tip-off and was found to be in possession of a huge stack of $100 bills in his briefcase along with an incriminating letter which clearly proved that he was in the pay of a rival research organization working to discredit the Papa Hari Institute's research. It is known that he was later released on bail but nothing more was heard of him and it is believed that he might be absconding. Police investigations are on.